I got a phone call last night, from my aunt, telling me that my uncle, the one who betrayed my family...I wont tell you the whole story. It's much too long and too complicated. Boleh buat telenovella. The antagonists being my uncle and my late step-brother and the protagonists are my family and I.
My aunt called me because she could not get hold of my mom who has gone off to Dungun and won't be back until after Hari Raya Qurban. Just my luck! She told me that my uncle is back from the hospital and is very-very sick... She said, it's time for me to put aside my anger and make peace with him before its too late. Forgive and forget was what she really meant. What I really wanted to say to her was ' I don't give a bloody shit what happens to him' but being a good niece I replied 'insya allah' and felt like a total hyppocrite.
Shocked? I don't blame you. Any reasonable person would probably do the decent thing and rebind the severed family tie. Severed due to greed and irresponsibility. Harapkan pagar, pagar makan padi.
To do justice to myself, I sat up the whole night, thinking about it...well, in between watching tv, surfing the net, loading my system with caffeine, I thought about it...seriously, and at 6.45 am, I went out to the jogging track behind my house, to get rid of the caffeine and load my system with adrenaline instead, still thinking, and came back soaking wet because it was raining. My semi-rational brain told me to forgive and forget but somehow the signal got tangled-up somewhere and did not make it to my heart.
To forgive is divine, let bygones be bygones...
Well I can't forget, I will not forgive and I'm not divine. I'm flesh and blood...and right now my blood is rapidly flowing out of my bleeding heart, being replaced with hatred. Come to think of it, 'hatred' is a bit of an understatement really, in the same way a tornado might be described as an air current. My heart is filled with an emotion much stronger then hatred...not just a mere air current but a full-force category 6 tornado. The extreme sense of betrayal, the lost of trust, cuts so deep I could feel it physically...and it affects my judgement. Sorry brain, you lose again. I say, again, because my step-brother passed away last year and I, typically, refused to attend his funeral. Will I ever learn?
Call me keras kepala or degil or keras hati etc, I can accept it. Memang I'm all that plus vengeful and extremely emotional . I'm a scorpio after all. Sad to say, I happen to possess all the negative traits of a scorpio. I'm not proud of it...but I won't lose any sleep over it either. My aunt said, 'Go and see him before it's too late. Have a heart.'
HEART??? WHAT'S THAT!!! I DON'T THINK HE HAS ONE... sunday, Dec 16, 8.25 am
AND NOW, IT'S TOO LATE...
I COULD NOT STOP MY TEARS...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I'M CRYING...sunday, Dec 16, 11.50am
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3 comments:
trust me...
i think what u r doing is the best....
personally, i would be doing the same ..
i think when it comes to situation like this... its not just scorpio but all signs will be doing the same thing....
dont be sad or worry.. everybody will learn their lesson and i guess now it is his time....
ps: if it is really true that he has change.. y he does not call u and ask you to come by himself...
Madam..
Actually, i don undertsand what u told about. Maybe u can call me and tell me (if u want)..
But, i really hope that we can hav fun together in my birthday!! Please madam..huhuhuhu!!
Mdm...i know the full story of yours...remember you've told me during our first PIDSZA Debate in Dungun last time while i'm singing JUJUR (sweet memories)....errmmmmm, I'm in doubt...Scorpio mmg degil ek??....sume org cakap sy degil...i don't care and i don't mind at all...i'm just follow the flow....
Mdm...later i call u then kita crita panjang ek....
Mdm...be strong!!! Aja2 fighting!!
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