tersekat dalam traffic jam

Tersekat dalam traffic jam?...kat Kuantan?...not good...huhuhu Tapi betul. Thats what happened this morning, yang menyebabkan aku terpaksa cancel kelas 8 - 10 aku. Hampir dua jam aku tersekat di jalan..melihat beberapa buah ambulace menuju ke depan, tiga buah truck JPA menghala ke arah yang sama...my guess is there must be an accident...

Memang betul pun...aku terdengar kereta di depan bertanya kepada salah seorang Marshall yang sedang lalu...apparently it was caused by a collision between an army truck and a lorry...akan ambil masa untuk clearkan lalulintas...katanya....maka ramai lah warga Kuantan yang terlewat sampai ke destinasi masing2 pagi ni...

Sambil menunggu, aku sibuk membalas sms dari students yang tanya ada kelas ke tak de...propa kan...sedang aku sibuk bersms...aku tak perasan lorong disebelah kanan dah mula bergerak sedikit...tiba2 saja yang berhenti disebelah kereta aku ialah kereta polis...terkejut aku. Polis tu dah tersenyum2 tengok aku sedang sms sambil memandu...aku pun senyum la balik...nak buat apa lagi kan...

akhirnya aku pun tiba la ke tempat kejadian...memang pertembungan diantara lorry dan truck askar...tapi rupanya truck askar yang feri budak2 sekolah...down terus aku...harap2 budak2 tu semua ok...

Akhirnya aku sampai juga ke UMP....around 9.20...aku masih lagi down...dengan mode slow motion, aku berjalan ke Lab 4...walau aku tahu sure tak de lagi student yang tinggal...tapi aku takde mood nak berdepan dgn orang2 di CMLHS...lagi pun pkl 10 - 12 aku ada lagi satu kelas di Lab 11.

sekarang dah 9.50. Aku perlu ke Lab 11. Perlu tukar mode sekarang...gather all my positive vibes, put on my million dollar smile and greet the students...kan THE WORLD IS A STAGE...

DUNIA PANGGUNG SANDIWARA

Hello,

Been a while...but, here I am again.

Ye la...sebelum aku di fire sebab tak update kan blog, lebih baik aku update kan dulu. Tapi...I wonder, orang2 yang suka fire tu dah update ke belum..? Aku tulis pun bukan kerana takut...I don't make decisions based on fear...fear is only in your head...

Behind all the tears, there is smile, behind all the fear there is sunshine...

Nothing much has changed since my last entry...except everything is a bit less hectic. Things seem to have settled down to its usual boring routine...nothing special, just the usual everyday nightmare...of teaching and studying and trying to avoid my boss at all time...not so easy, that one...

There's the issue of Kelab Orator, aka Kelab Penukir Ilmu. I have mixed feelings about this, so I will just keep my opinions to myself...aku takkan menyebelahi mana-mana pihak...community cyber atau community alam nyata...cuma aku harap, jangan luka yang kecil sampai dicemari virus hingga melarat menjadi gangrene...

Oh ya, I had an interview with my present boss, Pn Shikin and my previous boss, Prof Jalil regarding my Penilaian prestasi... where they give us marks based on our performance each year. I waited for 30 minutes and the interview lasted for less than 10...sad case isn't it? They didn't even tell me my marks...the only thing they asked was 'what were your achievements in 2007.' So I rattled on about my studies, debates and muet...maybe it'll get me 0.5 % more...but I don't think so...they have already decided on the marks...the interview was just a formality after all...lakunan semata-mata...

So..I wonder...apa motive interview ni? Kalau objectivenya untuk memberitahu markah yang aku dapat...mereka tak beritahu pun...kalau untuk menilai pun, tak tercapai sebab before the interview pun mereka dah decide on how much to give...kalau setakat untuk decide whether nak tambah 0.5%, aku rasa tak perlu...tak tambah pun tak apa, aku tak kisah pun...semua yang aku buat bukannya untuk dapatkan 0.5% tu...plus I really hate interviews. I hate having to promote and sell myself...and for what? If I deserve a high mark, then give it to me, if I don't, then don't give...apa masalahnya...kalau tanya 'how much do you think we should give you...' of course aku akan jawab 100%...nak beri ke...?

Sering aku bertanya......siapakah aku untuk mengatakan yang aku berhak memiliki kebahagiaan, kekayaan, kepandaian, kecantikan, kesempurnaan, dsb...
namun, sebenarnya...... siapakah aku untuk mengatakan yang aku tidak berhak...?

Don't get me wrong. I love my work. I love teaching...mainly because I don't like my life to be too orderly, and teaching is unpredictable. I don't think I could survive working 9 to 5 shuffling papers in an office or dealing with inanimate machines in a factory every single day...that would get me into Tanjung Rambutan faster than Schumacher could drive.

I remember my lecturer asking each of us 'what is the most difficult thing about being a teacher or lecturer?'

For me, its not the subject matter, neither is it the actual act of teaching. Nope. The most difficult thing about being a teacher is having to perform...dunia ini, panggung sandiwara...kan?.. walau pun ceritanya tak lah sehebat kisah Mahabrata atau tragedi dari Yunani...its all about performing...in class, in front of the students...if I woke up in the morning wishing that everyone was dead, before going into class, I have to summon all the positive vibes in my body and greet the students with a million dollar smile...lihatlah dunia...aku anak wayang! It's exhausting sometimes... Occupational hazard I would say. People tend to forget that teachers are human too...still, I do my best...whether they succeed is entirely in their hands.

I am not an idealist, anti-capitalist, anti-establishment. I am none of those, and I am all of those.

However, no matter how busy I say I am, I always make sure I find the time to stop and smell the flowers, listen to the sounds of birds singing, or go jogging in the evening...kata busy, tapi ada masa untuk buat semua tu...? They might seem small and insignificant to most...even a waste of time...time is money? Call me a romantic fool, I don't care...these are the things that keep me from hitting the bottom of the pit of depression and will always keep me going...but hey...lain padang lain belalang...kan? See ya.

Selamat Menyambut Awal Muharram, 1429.

Sometimes, it is better to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.

tidak ku harap bulan di awan...

jatuh ke riba menjadi teman...